How I became an atheist: Part 2 - Atheist boy!

My parents and I moved to Southern Illinois in the summer before my 8th grade year. So.Il. is where my dad's side of the family lives (including my preacher uncle). So.Il. is also part of the Bible belt. I was excited to move there. I had grown up in big cities and couldn't wait to live in a small rural town surrounded by nature and kind people.

I was a very shy kid. Especially when I came to Illinois because I didn't know anyone. Luckily several of my classmates initiated contact and became acquaintances and friends during my first year. I also adopted a few nicknames. One girl called me "Pretty Ears." I guess she thought I had pretty ears. Another girl called me "Atheist Boy." In our 8th grade science class, the big bang was being introduced. She asked me if I believed in the big bang. When I said yes, she started calling me Atheist Boy. It was in jest, for the most part... But it did bother me slightly to be called an atheist. Although I couldn't put my finger on why. Maybe it was just the way she said it.

It wasn't until high school that I started to really think about the existence of God and discover what my beliefs were. Freshmen and Sophomore year I believed in fairies and goblins and all sorts of other supernatural things. Ghosts, bigfoot, demons, you name it. I told a friend that I believe in the Greek gods as well. "So, do you pray to them? Do you sit by your bed at night and say, 'Dear Zeus...'?" Around Junior year was when I started to wear a crucifix on a chain around my neck. At that point I believed in God, but I didn't belong to any church or attach to any particular denomination. It was the kind of God that you only turn to when you need something or you're feeling guilty.

I would pray. I would talk to God. I would ask for guidance or wisdom. But to be honest, I never really felt at one with God. It never really clicked for me. It felt like I was pretending, fooling myself. Like something that I was supposed to be, but it went against my true nature. Kinda like when I tried to be straight for about a week.